Thursday, August 29, 2013
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
So, I've been doing a little bit of soul searching.
I tend to go through a state of unhappiness about 6 times a year (that's about every other month, for you math wizards).
I tend to go through a state of unhappiness about 6 times a year (that's about every other month, for you math wizards).
This unhappiness I usually attribute to the feeling of being "trapped." I frequently say that I'm "trapped" here in Florida, that I am stuck here and I can't wait to get out.
But I had a revelation.
I'm not trapped here- I'm comfortable here. There is no real challenge. There is no real rejection. The only thing that I have to do here is just "be."
I have people around me to encourage and inspire me, and what do I do with that? I nod and say "You're right," or "Thank you," and I continue living my stagnant life.
Being trapped means that I have no means of escape. But I have an escape.
I've had an escape since the day I graduated high school some years ago. I could have moved to New York. I could have pursued my dreams of being a "big time" actress, but the truth I've had to face is that I was just scared.
I'm not trapped here- I'm comfortable here. There is no real challenge. There is no real rejection. The only thing that I have to do here is just "be."
I have people around me to encourage and inspire me, and what do I do with that? I nod and say "You're right," or "Thank you," and I continue living my stagnant life.
Being trapped means that I have no means of escape. But I have an escape.
I've had an escape since the day I graduated high school some years ago. I could have moved to New York. I could have pursued my dreams of being a "big time" actress, but the truth I've had to face is that I was just scared.
I'm afraid I'm going to go after my dreams and no one will want me because I look like a bootleg Keke Palmer.
I was afraid of rejection, afraid that I am not talented, smart or beautiful enough- and I'm still afraid.
But I'm tired of being stationary. I'm tired of living my life like a bump on a log. I long to make a difference somehow- whether it's in my life or someone else's.
But I'm tired of being stationary. I'm tired of living my life like a bump on a log. I long to make a difference somehow- whether it's in my life or someone else's.
Every time I renew a lease in this barren town, I'm signing into my comfort zone.
Now I say- I'm not even going to wait until next year to change this.
It's past due for me to get up and go and be.
How exactly do I plan on doing this?
Simple: by putting one foot in front of the other.
Being stagnant is an awful thing. It feels awful and it is awful.
It's like...being a Zombie (A 'World War Z' type- zombie. They're particularly interesting. I just watched WWZ for a second time, I hope you like this analogy, if you don't...I'll live).
The Zombies moved slowly, not toward or away from anything, when they had no stimuli. It was when there was something to chase that they became excited and moved swiftly. It was when they had something to look to, to go after, that they fulfilled their purpose- braaaiiiinssss (or to turn other people into "Zombies").
If there is nothing to look to, to provide stimulus, then we'll be stagnant.
I can't allow fear to breed a stagnant comfort zone.
It's been time to move on to bigger and better things.
xoxo.
"Fear is static that prevents me from hearing myself."
-Samuel Butler
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)