It has been an incredibly long time since I’ve written anything on here.
So much in my life has changed, and yet, nothing has changed at all.
But what I do have are a series of revelations (which I tend to have from time to time). Some of these things I’ve known consciously, but never really felt- which happens. Sometimes you’re aware and simultaneously unaware; it’s a strange paradox.
Since this may be a long entry, I won’t bore you with an extensive introduction- I’ll just hop right into it.
Failure does not define you.
This is a very cliche statement, one that I’ve heard countless times. If I had a dollar for every time I heard that, I’d be blogging from my vacation home on the Amalfi Coast (believe me, I am not). However, this is something that I have come to recently understand for myself; something that I have come to I am learning to accept. If I fall flat on my face, if I end up in a place that I don’t want to be in because of a series of mistakes or bad decisions, that isn’t the essence of me as a person. I am not my failures. I am not my shortcomings. The issue lies in when we allow ourselves to be defined by our failures. It lies in when we look at the ways we have failed and think, “I am a failure.” If we think we are, we will be. We will live like failures. But life is so much more than the areas we’ve failed. How have we loved the people close to us? How have we loved ourselves? How have we embraced life and beauty? How have we fought for injustice? What have we done right? Failure isn’t the end all, be all. Just like I told a friend of mine the other day, “Hey, one step at a time, right? As long as you’re alive, you can still make progress.” And I’m speaking from personal experience, here. I’m writing this as a letter to myself, in a way. If I’m being honest here, and I have no reason to be dishonest, I’ve been suffering with intense bouts of anxiety- which, in many ways, makes me feel even more like a failure (“Paige, girl, you can’t even handle your own emotions?”). I’m too anxious to eat, I’ve stayed up for hours and hours, I feel like I’m going to just throw up and then curl up and die… It’s awful. I know many of us go through depression and anxiety- and it makes us feel worse. But I have to remind myself- this too shall pass. This doesn’t make me a failure. Failing doesn’t make me a failure. Not getting back up, not fighting, succumbing to the feelings of being a failure is what constitutes as really failing, to me. Don’t allow rejection and disappointment to plague you.
Success also doesn’t define you.
The idea of “success” is so incredibly subjective. What is success for you? What is success for me? It can be money, power, freedom, happiness… But if you believe that your success defines you, you can get caught up in this frivolous idea that you have to obtain this certain level of success to be happy (or “whole”) OR when you do obtain success, you can start to believe that are better than other people- YOU did x so therefore you deserve y. A lot of us do a lot of hard or menial work in the hopes to get to a better place in life. Let’s look at the people working from paycheck to paycheck in third world countries in order to put a small meal on their tables at home- do they work less hard? Are they any less deserving? No. Success (monetary) is beautiful, but sometimes it’s luck. It can be about being born in the right country or being at the right place at the right time. It can be being lucky enough to nail the right job interview etiquette, the right handshake and smile. It can be about having an Aunt who has a friend who knows so and so. This isn’t the situation all the time, but it’s the situation enough of the time that we can’t allow that to get to our heads. That’s how people end up looking down on others. That’s how we end up with this preposterous idea that we truly ARE better. If you’re too high up on your pedestal, you can forget the many people who may be working to keep you there. We’ve all seen it- I see it all the time. Wealthy, “successful” people, fraternizing in their expensive threads, oozing nothing but vanity and...a lot of them are miserable. Don’t be defined by your successes. Be a beautiful, loving, caring, inspirational person. Work hard, but never forget your family or your friends. Never forget to take some time to appreciate people, and time to appreciate the sunset- as cheesy as that sounds. To me, success is happiness- I still don’t think you should be defined by your happiness, either. But happiness is a less porous goal than wealth.
Be here, now.
THIS is the hardest thing for me. I live in the past and in the future so much, it’s as if the present doesn’t exist. I have written this blog entry so many times in my head, and I always think of ways that I fail in this area (but I’m not a failure!). When you’re at a place in your life that you may feel unhappy or unsatisfied, it’s easy to live in the future. When you’re at a place in your life where you may feel as though fill-in-the-blank from the past contributed to you being unhappy or unsatisfied, it’s easy to live in the past. I live in both. You would think that living in the future and the past so much would force you to live in the present- but it doesn’t.
“I wish I didn’t...”
“I wish I would have...”
“I want to...”
There is no problem with dreaming and yearning for better things in the future, but there is a real problem when it’s hard for you to enjoy yourself in the moment. You know there is a real problem when, in a good moment, you can only think about tomorrow, next week, next year. It’s especially difficult when you suffer with anxiety and your entire world feels like it’s yesterday and tomorrow.
I’m trying to embrace today. I’m trying to embrace right now. I just took a second to look at my hands and just remember that I am in the present. It’s almost foolish and definitely weird, but it’s a good reminder. Snap back to the present- even if the present isn’t where you want to be. Breathe it in, learn from it, grow from it, don’t let it break you. Don’t let the present break you. You are stronger than this moment. I am stronger than this moment. If we learn to embrace the moment when we’re going through hardships, we will savor the moments that much more when we’re going through something amazing and beautiful. I can embrace a moment and be here when I’m stressed, crying, upset, let down, etc. Because every moment can be a learning moment. What can I learn here? How can I twist this moment and make it positive? (Of course, this doesn’t work in every situation- situations including abuse and health issues are difficult if not impossible to include in this.) You don’t have to learn to love the moment, or enjoy it. But let’s be aware of it, be in it. Be here now.
When someone shows you their true colors, believe them.
This is a weird one, because I believe that we are ever changing people. I don’t believe in the whole idea that if you have thought one thing your entire life you lack the ability to change your mind. Different experiences can teach us to grow and change- if we let them. Our minds can evolve...
Some people, however, do not change. Some people stay the same way their entire lives. There are people who make excuses for the way that they are- “I’m this way because…” and refuse to allow their awareness to change them. These people may be wonderful people in a lot of ways, but you cannot allow yourself to get caught up in an idea that they will change. It is difficult- a lot of us have this savior complex that makes us believe that we can change someone. But I feel as though instead of trying to change someone, we should just be cautious. If someone shows me that they are easily triggered by certain things, I’ll be cautious. Now, being cautious and walking on eggshells is not the same thing. I don’t believe that we should have relationships where we can’t call someone out on something ridiculous. I don’t believe in tumultuous relationships full of constant friction- that is allowing negative energy in your life and creating unnecessary stress. Let those people go. What I mean by being cautious is to be aware. You may know that this person can get their pride hurt easily- so be sensitive to that. However, if this person can get their pride hurt easily and then will mudsling- you have to let that go. You cannot control out of control individuals. If they show you that they’re irrational and condescending: let that go. Again, I’m speaking to myself, here. You can love someone from a distance. Some people will never change- it’s not your job to make them. Also, don’t change what you’ve learned to be true to fit into someone else's truth.
Find what you believe in- stick with it.
Again, this is a difficult thing for me. I believe that there is so much beauty in the world- sometimes I look at the world and people with rose colored glasses. I want to see the good in everything, and I sometimes hate saying, “No, I don’t believe that,” because I sometimes (emphasis on sometimes) want everyone to like me. But I think it’s important that we all have a center. A foundation of beliefs that won’t be shaken or that sway with the wind. (Of course, if our foundation of beliefs are harmful to other people...we should probably change that.) But stick to what we believe and know to be good and true. If, today, I say that I’m not going to do xyz because it doesn’t sit well with my conscience, then, tomorrow, if xyz comes up I need to not do it. What I’m trying to say is: don’t compromise your beliefs. Don’t do something that feels wrong to you. If it doesn’t sit well with you, trust your instincts.
Don’t let anyone/any situation convince you that you’re not good enough.
Don’t let anyone dull your sparkle. Believe in yourself. Believe in your talents, gifts, abilities. You know yourself better than anyone else. If you’re not good enough now, work to be good enough later. Be the best version of yourself that you can be- and not for fame or popularity, but for a peace of mind and a sense of serenity. If you’re here, you have a purpose- I believe. Vanity won’t get you anywhere, but faith and determination will.
Find what you love and go for it.
Find what you love and never stop doing it (unless what you love is murdering people. If it is, please stop immediately).
xoxo.
