Because it's a series of journal entries from my wonderful time in Jamaica. I figured I would write about my feelings/experiences because it has been a while since I've been back with my entire family (mom and brother). I've been back alone and I've been back with my mom, but I haven't been back with everyone.
This is a lengthy record of my time (written while I was still in Jamaica):
Day 1:
Arriving back in Jamaica felt like entering a time warp; it feels as though I've never left...though, in reality, I left over ten years ago. The air was breezy and hot, just as I expected it to be. The people were boisterous, rude and hilarious, just as I expected them to be. We were picked up by a family friend and we careened through the potholed streets, through Kingston and into Portmore, to arrive at my grandparents house (not without stopping for beef patties first). They had no idea we were coming, and their reactions were priceless (luckily for us, they have two guest bedrooms as we didn't arrange an alternate place to stay). Mom and I sat in the hot living room (no central air) and chatted with my fantastic grandparents, while Jordan (my younger brother) napped. We were supposed to go to Hellshire beach for some fish and festival, but we decided to visit more family instead. To continue with the theme of surprise, we popped in to see my mom's grand-aunt and uncle. The moment was also priceless, but it was laced with sobriety. My great-grandaunt (Aunty Beecher) is 94 years old, the oldest of my grandpa's siblings. She is very frail, though she is actually still taking herself around and pretty healthy for someone 6 years shy of a century. My granduncle (Uncle Ervin), however, was not so well. He's not nearly as old as my grandaunt but he was diagnosed with colon cancer last month....his arms were so thin all you could see is literally skin and bones and his legs were so swollen, it seemed like they belonged to a different body entirely. He doesn't have much longer to live*. He has a 15 year old daughter who's mom says that "her heart beats with her father's." I couldn't even look her in the eye without reviving memories of difficult times. It was incredibly sad to see family members at this point in their lives, but it reminded me how precious life is. I'm also so glad that we visited them instead of going to the beach, moments like that are irreplaceable and important. We got back the grandparents home and chatted with a man named Mike and another man named Noel, who my grandparents invited into the house for a beer and good conversation. Never met the two, but we talked about so many things, from Mandela to the British Monarchy to societies influence on women to the bible. It was truly one of those conversations that you wish people would have with you all the time. So good. Now I'm in bed. I am just hoping I don't have the same allergic reaction (that I, OF COURSE, had today), tomorrow (maybe I was anxious about the trip?). Wow, this was long. Tchao! xo
Day 2:
Today was surely an interesting day. So much to write... Well, first off, this morning we (mom, Jordan, grandma, grandpa and three family friends from Kingston- Lovette, Courtney and Rohan) went on an almost two hour drive to Mandeville. Mandeville is the last place we lived in Jamaica before moving to the U.S. (prior to Mandeville we lived in Portmore and prior to Portmore we lived in Kingston) We took a scenic, beautiful drive to the hillside where Mandeville is and when we arrived in Mandeville, my choppy memory tried to piece together what I remember and what I was seeing. We met up with a family friend in "downtown" Mandeville and followed behind his car in our car. He stopped at this large black gate that was guarding a peptobismol pink house and got out of the car. "This is it," he said. Mom said, "This is your house?" He said, "No man, this is YOUR old house." And then I saw it. We didn't have a large black gate and the house was surely not pink. The new owners revamped the house and landscape so much that I barely recognized it, but I did recognize it. We were standing on the outside of the gate reminiscing when a lady in her sixties came out to see what was going on. After my mom convinced her that we were previous tenants, she opened the gate and allowed us into the spacious yard. Her husband came out and walked alongside us, eventually joining in conversation. They also let us come inside the house (only in Jamaica) and let us sit on the veranda (front porch). They told us about their grandkids in New Jersey and they served us Sorrell (a Jamaican seasonal alcoholic drink). It was so sweet and so surreal to walk into my old bedroom and old backyard and to see our old neighbor who still lives there. They allowed us to pick some fruits and herbs from their yard to take back with us. Amazing people. We then went to two family friends houses (Craig and Nadine's house and then Richard and Audrey's house). We caught up a bit, ate fresh off of the tree tangerines and rum cake and drank more Sorrell. I keep having this feeling that everything is the same, that we still live here and that time just stood still for several years. I know that's completely a figment of my imagination; my mind just feels like it's temporarily sucked into a time vortex, but I know things will go back to the present day when I return to the U.S. I totally miss my dad, though. These are his friends and his memories, too. We drove by the hospital my dad was at a lot in Mandeville, but I couldn't get out of the car. Facing the reality that he's not here is hard when this entire island is filled with nothing but memories of him. Anyway, it was a good day. (I should note that I ate another beef patty, but this time with coco bread, and I also had oxtail and rice and peas...food is important!) When I got back to my grandparent's house my grandma ended up giving me an inspirational pep talk that struck me like a gong. It didn't hit me the way that she intended it to, but I'm grateful for the talk. To paraphrase, she said: "When you want something, you have to go after it. Sometimes, to get there, you'll have to do odd jobs, you'll have to mop for someone, bring coffee for someone else and just make your connections while you're working your way to where you want to be. But you have to go for it. You can't sit at home and wish for it and hope it will come to you, it doesn't work that way. You are going to have to work hard and compete to get to where you want to be, but you'll get there. And most importantly, never let anyone ever tell you that you can't do something. If you love what you're doing and you know you want to do it, that's all you need. People may criticize you, ignore them. You don't need to listen to them, do what your heart tells you." (This conversation happened less than an hour ago, so it's still fresh in my mind). My grandma was saying this in regards to Journalism, since when she asked me what I want to do, I said "I don't know." The truth is that I know what I want... I don't want to do anything with Journalism at all, though I love writing and hosting...I just have no desire to be a Journalist for a career. None. Zilch. Nada. I have no drive, thus no desire to compete in this über competitive field. But I didn't want to create an uproar on my vacation, especially since my mom got upset at me for telling everyone in the U.S that I hate Journalism. I guess it's sugar-coating for now. I had to bite a crater into my tongue, though, when my grandma finished her little pep talk. She said, "I'm just glad you're done with that stupid drama, acting thing. That is not a career! Journalism is good for you, I'm glad you listened to us." I literally almost lost all of my marbles, but God gave me strength or something. My acting journey is far from over, it has barely begun. Grandma said she wanted to see me on TV, and I plan on granting her wish...my way. And in heeding her advice, I WILL ignore the critics (even if my harshest critics are her and my mom) and do what my heart tells me. What a journey this trip has been thus far. xo
Day 3:
This is a day of food and friends. (I'm going to probably have to keep this short, because I have the worst migraine of life.) This morning we visited our old church in St. Catherine. We saw so many old friends, I haven't received that many hugs and taken that many pictures in a long, long time. So many familiar faces and fond memories; I loved every minute of it. After church, my family and a bunch of people from church went to Scotchies, a DELICIOUS Jerk style food restaurant (I tore up some Jerk pork and festival). I chatted with family-friends for about two and a half solid hours, catching up and taking a million more pictures. After that, I went home and took a nap, for about 40 minutes, because that itis was vicious. About 15 minutes after we woke up, we went to my friend Brian's restaurant to spend time with my friend Stephanie and her mom. The FOOD WAS AMAZING. I ate some Asian style spareribs, fried plantain bruschetta, potatoes and eggrolls. Sooo good! And it was just so amazing that I haven't seen Stephanie since I was in Primary school, but we caught up and spoke like we hung out yesterday. It was wonderful. (Btw, if you're in Jamaica by Kingston, you MUST visit 689 by Brian Lumley. He's only 26, but his meals and menu are perfection. Really nice spot). After we left there, we went to Aunty Lovette's beautiful home in Kingston. While we were there, about 10-12 family friends came to visit and eat (yummy) desserts (seriously, I was so full). I was able to catch up with my friends Kathryn and Regina, who I have known since I was a weee lass. I don't remember her birth, but I know that I was here when Regina was born. It's so great to see my friends going after their dreams. Kathryn, 26, will be finishing up medical school in the next year. Stephanie, 24, is successful at a PR firm, living in the city with her boo. Brian, 26 has his own high class restaurant, traveling all over and being featured on TV and newspapers for his accomplishments as a chef. Regina, 20, is in law school, with dreams of working for a big corporation. Going after your dreams is so fulfilling, as evidenced by my friends. And I'm so, so happy to see them succeeding. My heart is full, as well as my stomach. I'm certainly not eating tomorrow (jk, I'm definitely eating). xo
Day 4 & 5:
I didn't write last night because we were at the beach three hours away ALL DAY and we got home late and I simultaneously had a really bad allergic reaction. (Side note: we discovered that I'm one of the very few people in this world who have an allergy to antihistamine, yay me...we discovered this after I took antihistamine three times yesterday and I kept getting worse...you can only imagine how I woke up this morning...I had hives in places I didn't know I could have hives.**) Anyway, yesterday was sweet and simple- we drove up to Portland to go to one of the many lovely beaches there. We met up with some more old friends and had a fantastic time catching up by the crystal clear waters. It was a GORGEOUS day. And lucky for me, I didn't have to decide between hanging with mom's friends or the babies because Regina and Sergio (23, in school for IT) were there (my little brother was there, too, so I guess he could have also sufficed, lol) but it was good to continue to catch up with everyone. After we left there, we went to some tin and zinc town to get some Jerk chicken (...which was alright. But I'm seriously curvy now...not really). A part from my allergic reaction and the small detail that I skipped- we had to trail down a steep, unpaved dirt road to get to the beach, praying for our lives in a low Corolla...getting back up was worse, one of the cars got stuck and had to drive up the hill backwards with every passenger walking up the hill, except the driver- yesterday was perfect. Today, not so much. That allergic reaction consumed my entire day. I woke up early with most of my extremities feeling like they were on fire. My mom woke up soon after I did, and helped me put aloe (from the aloe plant in my grandparents front yard) on. I was so tired from taking three rounds of antihistamines, so after she slathered me in aloe and I ate breakfast, I slept...until like 4. I did get to meet my grandma's best friend of 55+ years who is visiting grandma from England, which is nice. When I woke up I was able to talk to her a bit. She said I resemble my grandma in her early days, and that they, too, think it's crazy that they've known each other before either of them had kids (my mom's oldest sister will be 54 this year). I admire their friendship and determination to stay in touch after all of these years and spanning continents (her friend has lived in England for almost 50 years). (Side note: the house behind me is playing some old school Beenie Man...and I'm in my bed! Shame.) Anyway, we were supposed to go to the local beach, but because I slept through the day, we didn't go because the taxi driver didn't want to take us there after 5pm (unfortunately, the beach by my old house has started to get unsafe at night....which makes me quite sad). Upon nightfall, since tonight was New Year's Eve, we went to our old church in Kingston to ring in the New Year with them. I have never been to church on New Year's Eve, so that was different. But it was good being there, especially because seeing so many people brought back memories. My grandparents came, too, which was so nice. I loved seeing so many familiar faces; people kept telling me stories about my dad that almost brought me to tears. It is good to be reminded that I'm not the only one who loved him and who misses him. Tonight was a great night and I'm so glad that after all these years I had the opportunity to bring in the New Year in my home country. As I go to sleep with the relaxing sounds of dancehall music, fire crackers and some sort of "singing frog," I wouldn't replace this moment for anything. I am still so glad to be here, hives and all. xo.
I was too depressed to write a Day 6, because that's the day we left, but it was a great day. We ate a lot of food in the morning at our friends the Wong's house, and for lunch we had beef patties. The only thing that was weird was the crazy allergic reaction that continued. We then flew back home that evening. Very depressing.
*Uncle Ervin (the one with the colon cancer) passed away today (01/07/14). We are very grieved to hear about his passing, but so grateful to have spent time with him before he went.
**I found out that I am not allergic to antihistamine after all, I just have a very high tolerance to it and the reaction was getting worse, which made it seem like I was allergic to antihistamine. I also found out that I'm not allergic to anything except my own body. THANK YOU, body, for hating me. (edit: 9/17/14: I KNEW I was allergic to antihistamine. I stopped taking it and it cut my allergic reactions in half. The doctor who told me that I wasn't allergic and that I had a high tolerance ended up being a very unhelpful doctor, who I have not seen since. I have another doctor who believes that I'm allergic to antihistamine and who has given me healthy alternatives to OTC meds and prescriptions.)
I already miss Jamaica so, so much. I will post a blog with pictures soon! Being back home hasn't been that fantastic. It was my birthday on Sunday, though (January 5th)! Though I haven't done anything for it yet. I hope everyone has had a great winter and I hope everyone is staying warm during this crazy weather! I have much to write about and I am determined to continue writing (despite my reluctance to pursue a career in Journalism).
Tchao! xoxo
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