Can We Stop Worrying About Millennials Yet?

By: Matt Bors | Via: Upworthy

Jamaica, a picture blog.

I said I was going to upload pictures. Here are some of the pictures! (Click to enlarge)

At the beach in Portland:

 The "grown ups" talking

Me and Regina

Grandparents

Our car wouldn't move with everyone in it, so some people had to walk! 

(That's mom in the white dress)

At our old house/various locations in Mandeville:

 Jordan (my brother), mom and me

 Drinking Sorrel with friends and family

In Kingston (for various reasons with various friends and family):

 Jordan, Grandpa, Aunty, Mom, Me, Grandma

 Kathryn, Me, Regina

 Brian, Stephanie, Me and Aunty Jenny (Jordan creeping in the back)

 From the Wong's house, in their backyard:

I have more, but this will do. 

Man, I already really miss my little island...

xoxo

Marriage.

Aka: Why I don't give two whole craps if I get married.

Let me preface this by saying that some days I give probably about half a crap if I get married. But I have never given two WHOLE craps. 

I was probably about twelve years old when I told my best friend, Sakiyna, that I don't want to get married or have any children (I DO want children now. I definitely want to adopt regardless of whether or not I get married). 

I was about seventeen when I told my mom that I don't think I want to get married.

I was eighteen when my first peer friend got engaged, she was my roommate and she was nineteen. It was literally like living in a house with an actual princess (in a good way). She was (is) gorgeous, fun and sweet and she dated her now-husband since Middle School. Match made in heaven. Soul mates, if there is such a thing. The wedding was beautiful, she looked amazing and I...well, I was terrified to tell you the truth.

Fast forward three years, my best friend got engaged...same deal. Beautiful girl, great couple, terrifying wedding (I was the MOH, so I was able to experience a lot of the behind the scenes work that went into planning an engagement and planning a wedding).

I cried at both weddings and enjoyed the dancing and the love in the air and all that jazz. But the truth is that I feel like weddings are this huge production, a regurgitation of diamonds and rose petals and lace and sworn commitment... And I seriously felt like I was having an anxiety attack at both weddings (and all of the other weddings in between). 
Not to make the weddings about me, because they were NOT about me at all, but it was just a time that I truly felt like I canNOT picture myself doing this. 
At one point, I was in 3 weddings in a two year period (okay, I love my friends but that was so expensive). 

My bank account cried every night.

Being in these weddings were a lot of fun (Of course, some weddings are more organized than others). But I just kept thinking "Why don't I want to do this?" 

As someone who has had a good amount of female friends in my life (and who has an affinity for Disney Princess movies), I feel like my aversion to marriage is a bit strange. 

My mom told me when I was seventeen that she felt the same way when she was a teenager and that I would grow out of it. Well, here I am, approaching my mid-twenties, thinking "Okay, mom. Now what? You were already married at my age." 

I think I have a grasp on WHY I feel this way.

It's not just commitment that scares me.

It's not just the conundrum of planning an extravagant event surrounding me that scares me.

It's both of those things, combined with two heaping spoonfuls of the fact that I just, honestly, do not care.

I sometimes want to care, I really do. But I just...don't. I don't care whether or not I find someone to spend the rest of my crazy days with. 

When I hear my friends talking about how they want to travel the world with a partner or walk through Paris in the rain with someone special or what kind of wedding dress they want... I just sit there like-

My friends always say things like, "When you find the one, you'll change your mind!" And I just think, "HA, JOKES ON YOU!! I had a great boyfriend of two years and I still didn't want to marry him!" 

But, seriously, I loved every minute I spent with him, but when we would talk about marriage I would get all weird and want to change subjects.

And, aside from that, I really do like being single. It sounds weird, but I have never really been like "I NEED SOMEONE TO VALIDATE ME!" (Not that all relationships are like that...but you know you have some friends who are in a relationship solely for validation...if you don't- it might be you. Check yourself before you wreck yourself, homie...I know people don't say 'homie' anymore, DON'T JUDGE ME.)

Listen, I love men. I truly do. I think they're supa cute and they (sometimes) smell like nice cologne and they have nice things like...man arms and...beards. But when I think of travelling the world, I think of doing it with my friends. When I think of walking the streets of Paris in the rain, I can honestly picture myself in a euphoric state...by myself. Not that having someone there wouldn't be wonderful, but it's just not necessary. Plus, I can literally get up and leave at any given moment. I like that. I like that flexibility; flexibility truly appeals to me much more than marriage, at least at this point.

I have a jillion friends who are married now (these past two years have been like engagement city. I mean, everyone is engaged or married). 

All of them, at any given moment on Facebook, always want to remind me how amaze-balls marriage is.

"OMG, my husband just made me one pancake, he's the besssstttt."

"LOOK AT THIS PICTURE MY WIFE PAINTED. SHE'S LIKE A MODERN DAY PICASSO!"

"Marriage is soooo amazing. I love coming home to my best friend. I couldn't do that before when I actually lived with my female best friend. But now that I shirked my real life best friend of ten years since I got married, marriage is the best! No friends for me! Just my prematurely balding hubby <3 <3 <3!!!" (Nothing wrong with prematurely bald men, I actually kind of like bald heads)

"My wife is soooooo great. She came with her own pillows and she does tricks. I love marriage!"

"My snooki-poo climbed the Great Wall of China *not really, this is an inside joke between me and my wife.*"

^^ NOT APPEALING.

I know it's great to be in love. I really do. It is great. But I don't feel like I need to be married to enjoy my life. I don't feel like I need a husband for me to feel like a real adult, or for me to feel fulfilled. I speak to so many people who, in my opinion, have the wrong idea of what fulfillment in life is. I don't feel like fulfillment comes when you have a rock on your hand, a husband and 2.5 children. I feel like fulfillment comes when you do things to make yourself and other people genuinely happy. I feel like it comes when you donate to charity or do mission work. I feel like it comes when you're reading a really great book or when you're overseas looking at the Eiffel Tower sparkling at night with 3 of your best friends. I feel like it comes when you finish something you've worked really hard on and you're really proud of it. It comes when your friend or family member is hurting and you give them a shoulder to cry on because you truly love them. It comes from selflessness, but also from an awareness of who you truly are before God and men. It comes from acceptance of yourself. It comes from accepting your flaws and not going crazy over changing them, but still working on making yourself a better person. Fulfillment, to me, isn't marriage or living the "American dream." And I don't want to be married for the sake of being married. I don't want to get married to someone because that's what we "should do" or because that's our "next step" or something. I'd really rather not get married. 

Being single is actually pretty great. 

I'm human, so I occasionally want someone to admire who mutually admires me...but I don't need to rush into marriage for that. 

I'm happy for my married friends. Seriously, good for them that they found "the one" (but 50% of marriages end in divorce...but, you know, I won't be a negative Nancy here).

I just want people to be okay with the fact that I really, actually don't give two craps if I get married. I'm not crazy! (<--- Just kidding, I'm totally crazy.)

(FYI: after seeing all of these stress inducing proposals and marriages, if I get engaged, I would love something fantastically simple. Same for a wedding. I don't need a huge production with ballerinas dancing with ribbons down the aisle and Elton John serenading us with a thousand candles on the stage and Rev Run officiating the wedding. Like, please, just...no.)

That is all!

xoxo.

Happy Birthday, Bob Marley.

“You say you love rain, but you use an umbrella to walk under it. You say you love sun, but you seek shelter when it is shining. You say you love wind, but when it comes you close your windows. So that's why I'm scared when you say you love me.” 

-Bob Marley

xoxo.