Two, three, four, Some addicting blogs: 

• Breaking Butler Tumblr
• David Swanson
• Bonus blog (edit: 11/5): Conscious Co.
• Bonus Bonus blog (edit: 11/12): Hyperbole and a Half (I actually can't believe I forgot this one, this is the best)
• Bonus, Bonus, Bonus (edit 2/7): So Delushious (Because I think Chrissy Teigen is my spirit animal...if my spirit animal were a hot supermodel who is married to a Grammy award winning singer.)

xoxo

In love with this song.

(And John Mayer)

This post goes from "important" to "trivial," so you can pretty much stop reading after the first part.

#1. Malala.

   If you haven't seen the ABC 20/20 Unbreakable  special on Malala Yousafzai, you little fatheads need to click that link and you need to watch it!
   I first heard about Malala a little while ago, before the tragedy that made her famous. I heard about a smart, strong, outspoken young woman who was fighting for her right to education in Pakistan. 
   Malala, if you didn't know, is incredibly outspoken and so driven. She's also super young- she turned 16 this past July. In her place of residence in Pakistan (the Swat Valley), the Taliban had banned girls from attending school and getting an education. While many of us (probably myself included) may have sulked at home because of the Taliban's restriction, Malala went out and promoted education for girls. She began at the ripe young age of about 12 (cray) writing a blog about living under Taliban rule and did a documentary with the New York Times. She was the voice of so many girls who may have been afraid to speak out against the atrocity that she was facing at home. Malala never allowed the Taliban to stop her from learning and getting an education (because she knows how powerful knowledge is!). 
   If you also didn't know, last year the Taliban attempted to assassinate her because of her outspokenness. She was shot in the head, sparking a global outrage. I remember reading about Malala on CNN after she was shot and I legitimately freaked out. I was so upset, because I felt like Malala was my little outspoken sister or cousin or something, and I supported and loved her outspokenness. I prayed for this precious 15 year old, because I knew that we needed her strong voice in this world. I'm not sure for how long she was in critical condition, but when I heard the good news- that she would be okay- I was so happy. 
   Malala has been called "The Bravest Girl in the World," and she probably is one of the bravest.
   After the Taliban attempted to take her life, she didn't cower and hide, she stood up and allowed the widespread news of her almost-assassination to be a pulpit from where she would speak to the world about the importance of educating women.
She's so fantastic.
   We so desperately need more young women like the precious Malala. She is cut from quite a special cloth, but I think that so many of us can be courageous like her. Educating women is super, super important and I don't think that enough of us understand that (or care enough). And we (especially if you're a woman) should fight for the rights of women everywhere. 
Women are extraordinary, if ya'll don't know. Men are, too, of course. But because so many countries are founded on these extreme patriarchal views, the rights and voices of women get squeeeeezed out. I'm not okay with this.
You go, Malala! I'm totally buying her book.

#2. Allergies.

  Since I mentioned my allergies a few posts ago, I figured I'd keep you updated with what is going on with that.

So, funny story (not really), I'm actually allergic to everything (like, real life allergic to everything).

I did finally go to the doctor to see why in the world I wake up with my skin looking like the outside of a Ferrero Rocher chocolate ball.

this.

So, the doctor administered a series of tests, including surface skin tests and shots.

This many shots, to be exact. I took this picture.

So, when they were putting all of these things on me and poking me with sharp objects, I said to the nurse (not even kidding), "Wouldn't it be funny if I'm allergic to all of these things?"

The answer is no. No it would not be funny.

This is what happened, you guys:

You see how every number-spot has a bump? Yeah. I still have scars from that test (actual scars, not just emotional ones).

   So, the reality is that I'm allergic to everything (including Benadryl and Zyrtec, btw) because I'm stressed. The doctor told me that stress alters your immune responses and, if you get stressed out a lot, it will negatively impact your health (and apparently make you allergic to the cat you've had for seven years). I don't...know what stress feels like, probably because I always try to pretend that I'm not stressed. But apparently I am very stressed (which could also explain insomnia...although, who really knows at this point?). And until my stress is under control, I will probably keep having allergic reactions.
So, instead of Benadryl, I'll paint. Instead of Zyrtec, I'll write poetry (which I have to do anyway for a Poetry writing class/workshop I'm taking) and hopefully I will start consistently looking like a normal person again (whatever that is). 

Maybe my body is telling me that I need to pursue my dreams (always gotta throw something about dreams in there) and stop worrying about this place! 

#3. Lazyface.

   I'm wearing makeup even less now. Because SCREW MAKEUP IT TAKES TOO LONG. I think that although my makeup fast wasn't the end-all be-all for my self-security, it made me more comfortable with my face. And it also made me more comfortable with waking up 10-15 minutes later than I usually wake up (I don't put on that much makeup, I just take my time putting it on) and I never need a good excuse to wake up later. So, I have worn makeup probably twice in the past two weeks and it feels wonderful. Plus, I feel like my face can breathe and washing my face doesn't become a scrubbing mission.

Seriously, try washing off waterproof eyeliner and mascara. 

It feels like doing this.

So, I'm feeling better and more comfortable with the no makeup thing. If I keep doing it, maybe eventually I'll actually love it. BUT I DO LOVE THE EXTRA SLEEP THO!

Here's a shameless selfie, because it's Friday and I can:

#nomakeup #seriously #yesfilter #hairlookincray 

xoxo.

What insomnia feels like.

via: imgur

xoxo

Letter to Miley.

Sinéad O'Connor (who I love) wrote a letter to Miley. This letter could apply to many women, not just Ms. Cyrus. Miley apparently thought Sinéad O'Connor was "throwing shade" or whatever the kids call it, but I see this open letter as the perfect piece of advice that it is. Sinéad is speaking from personal experience and she has several very valid points. I know O'Connor has had her fair share of personal issues, which is why I think that her advice is even more valid- she knows what a detriment it can be to allow yourself to be a slave to the industry.

Here's the letter:
"
Dear Miley,

 I wasn’t going to write this letter, but today i’ve been dodging phone calls from various newspapers who wished me to remark upon your having said in Rolling Stone your Wrecking Ball video was designed to be similar to the one for Nothing Compares … So this is what I need to say … And it is said in the spirit of motherliness and with love.

I am extremely concerned for you that those around you have led you to believe, or encouraged you in your own belief, that it is in any way ‘cool’ to be naked and licking sledgehammers in your videos. It is in fact the case that you will obscure your talent by allowing yourself to be pimped, whether its the music business or yourself doing the pimping.

Nothing but harm will come in the long run, from allowing yourself to be exploited, and it is absolutely NOT in ANY way an empowerment of yourself or any other young women, for you to send across the message that you are to be valued (even by you) more for your sexual appeal than your obvious talent.
I am happy to hear I am somewhat of a role model for you and I hope that because of that you will pay close attention to what I am telling you.

The music business doesn’t give a s--- about you, or any of us. They will prostitute you for all you are worth, and cleverly make you think its what YOU wanted … and when you end up in rehab as a result of being prostituted, ‘they’ will be sunning themselves on their yachts in Antigua, which they bought by selling your body and you will find yourself very alone.

None of the men ogling you give a s--- about you either, do not be fooled. Many’s the woman mistook lust for love. If they want you sexually that doesn’t mean they give a f--- about you. All the more true when you unwittingly give the impression you don’t give much of a f--- about yourself. And when you employ people who give the impression they don’t give much of a f--- about you either. No one who cares about you could support your being pimped … and that includes you yourself.

Yes, I’m suggesting you don’t care for yourself. That has to change. You ought be protected as a precious young lady by anyone in your employ and anyone around you, including you. This is a dangerous world. We don’t encourage our daughters to walk around naked in it because it makes them prey for animals and less than animals, a distressing majority of whom work in the music industry and it’s associated media.

You are worth more than your body or your sexual appeal. The world of showbiz doesn’t see things that way, they like things to be seen the other way, whether they are magazines who want you on their cover, or whatever … Don’t be under any illusions … ALL of them want you because they’re making money off your youth and your beauty … which they could not do except for the fact your youth makes you blind to the evils of show business. If you have an innocent heart you can’t recognise those who do not.

I repeat, you have enough talent that you don’t need to let the music business make a prostitute of you. You shouldn’t let them make a fool of you either. Don’t think for a moment that any of them give a flying f--- about you. They’re there for the money… we’re there for the music. It has always been that way and it will always be that way. The sooner a young lady gets to know that, the sooner she can be REALLY in control.

You also said in Rolling Stone that your look is based on mine. The look I chose, I chose on purpose at a time when my record company were encouraging me to do what you have done. I felt I would rather be judged on my talent and not my looks. I am happy that I made that choice, not least because I do not find myself on the proverbial rag heap now that I am almost 47 yrs of age … which unfortunately many female artists who have based their image around their sexuality, end up on when they reach middle age.

Real empowerment of yourself as a woman would be to in future refuse to exploit your body or your sexuality in order for men to make money from you. I needn’t even ask the question … I’ve been in the business long enough to know that men are making more money than you are from you getting naked. Its really not at all cool. And its sending dangerous signals to other young women. Please in future say no when you are asked to prostitute yourself. Your body is for you and your boyfriend. It isn’t for every spunk-spewing dirtbag on the net, or every greedy record company executive to buy his mistresses diamonds with.

As for the shedding of the Hannah Montana image … whoever is telling you getting naked is the way to do that does absolutely NOT respect your talent, or you as a young lady. Your records are good enough for you not to need any shedding of Hannah Montana. She’s waaaaaaay gone by now … Not because you got naked but because you make great records.

Whether we like it or not, us females in the industry are role models and as such we have to be extremely careful what messages we send to other women. The message you keep sending is that its somehow cool to be prostituted … its so not cool Miley … its dangerous. Women are to be valued for so much more than their sexuality. We aren’t merely objects of desire. I would be encouraging you to send healthier messages to your peers … that they and you are worth more than what is currently going on in your career. Kindly fire any mf----- who hasn’t expressed alarm, because they don’t care about you. 
                                                                      "
via: pigeonsandplanes.com

xoxo.

Changing Education Paradigms.

I absolutely love this TED talks illustration of changing our education paradigms. I have thought so many of these things and it's quite nice to see some of my thoughts so eloquently conveyed!
I love this!

xoxo.

#Kewl.

I keep trying to figure out what I want to write here and I have no idea how to start it (or how to even get to my point), so here it goes.

Learning to figure out who I really am has been an incredibly interesting journey. I don't think I know completely who I am yet, but I know who I am not.
I can admit that most of my life, I have had this looming desire to really want to be...attractive. Be it physically or intellectually- but in my quest to be attractive, I had sort of painted over my true self.
I think I just figured that I can be attractive if I wore a lot of makeup and tried to adhere to the trends (even personality-wise) of people that I thought were attractive. 
But, that's not who I am. I'm not this pretty, high-horse sitting, damsel in distress who wants to be a princess.
I want to be Batman (I'm serious).

I'm serious, you guys. 

Someone needs to help me achieve this goal.

I like wearing high heels and cute clothes. I like rom-coms, puppies and kittens and all that jazz.

But I really like reading.
I really like comic books.

I have watched every single episode of X-Men: Evolution...and Justice League Unlimited. I'm halfway through Batman Beyond. I love Doctor Who and Breaking Bad and Dexter (before it got weird). I own a Dark Knight Rises cup, a Spiderman shirt, a Bane shirt and Justice League boxers.

I was at a Disney resort this past summer and instead of going to one of the parks or going to Downtown Disney, I spent SIX HOURS in the hotel room watching Adventure Time.

#OnlyGodcanjudgeme.

My point is, I'm sort of a nerd. 

I'm a nerd who tries to wear the façade of a cool kid.

I would say that I don't see a problem with that, with me liking nerdy things and with me simultaneously trying to be cool. 

But there was a problem with me.

I think I started to believe that I am this cool, socialite, pretty-girl. I started to hide my nerdiness around certain people (aka: all throughout high school) and while I never berated people who were like me (except my brother, but he deserved it), I never really sided with them either.

And underneath the layers of makeup and clothes, I still have a lot of insecurity.

I tried to combat this insecurity last week by basically thrusting "security" on myself. I didn't wear any eyeliner, eyeshadow and powder to combat the insecure feeling I sometimes get when I don't wear makeup.

It's strange because on one hand I do think I'm beautiful. I'm grateful for how I was made and if I were really given the opportunity to change how I looked, I don't think that I would actually do it. I'm afraid of embracing who I am sometimes, for fear of seeming narcissistic. But I don't think I'm "more beautiful than ______." I think I just appreciate the fact that I am who I am.

With that being said, I was still feeling really unpretty without makeup on. I started to feel like my makeup was a security mask (a "cool" mask) and that without it I am this plane Jane (which, I am) that is borderline unattractive. I felt like I needed makeup to feel good about myself. Without it, I can't feel pretty; I won't be "cool" enough. (When you say "cool" a bunch of times, it really starts to seem like the strangest word)

Okay, where am I going with this?

Basically, when I stopped wearing the makeup last week, as insecure as I can be, I started to slowly re-embrace myself. It was almost as though I freed myself from hiding beneath a mask. I think I have to just remember the most simple thing: I am me.

If I try to be someone who everyone likes, I'm going to lose myself. I don't want to lose who I am. I want to be the best version of myself, but not in a superficial way.

I am a borderline super nerd.

I like stilettos.

I like tattoos

I like Bollywood movies.

I like cocktails and hood music.

I love God, but I'm also kind of liberal.

But I can't go out on the town without overthinking a million things.
I can't have a conversation with a guy and say a bunch of cheesy things and not completely hate myself afterwards.

I don't like repetitive conversation. 

I don't like pre-gaming, or beer-pong. 

I ask a lot of questions, and I can sometimes be invasive.

Now, not wearing makeup didn't make me a new person or make me all of a sudden super secure.
I'm still kind of insecure. I wore eyeliner today after going over a week without any (because I felt plain!).
Makeup isn't magic, but it was a security blanket for me.

Sometimes we have to get rid of our false security blankets to really figure out where our security lies.

I'm fine with myself (most days) and I want to continue to like being with me...because I'm stuck with me for the rest of my life.

Jess from 'New Girl' is my spirit animal.

xoxo.

Edit: I added a shameless selfie from last week of me without makeup. (I put this picture because I really didn't want to put this picture)

#selfie #nofilter #nomakeup